Over the past three years or so there has been a tug of war happening in my spirit. My spirit really wanted to weekly be at the wonderful Spirit filled church that I was visiting on occasion but my carnal reasoning told me I couldn’t. I could not possibly leave the church where my husband works and abandon him there or abandon any of the other nice folk that I had done church with for the past nine and a half years. Loyalty to others trumped loyalty to the leading of the Spirit for a while until finally I mustered the courage to ask and until finally I allowed truth to win. With the blessing of my husband and my pastor I made the transition to a church just across the US border into Michigan. People of LSA, I love you all! Please don’t take it personally.

Which leads me to this…… a lot has happened in America over the last week; two black men shot and killed by police officers, then 5 police officers killed and 7 injured in Dallas and the Lord isn’t allowing me to sit in my quiet little white town just across the pond from Detroit, ignoring it; pretending like it doesn’t affect me or involve me; because it does. These dear ones on the other side of the river are my neighbours; my friends and my brothers and sisters in Christ. These are the ones that I am called to stand with, alongside and to intercede for.

So, many people that I care about and am now connected with are in deep pain because band aids over wounds caused by racial discrimination have been violently ripped off. As they have watched the news and seen their black brothers suffer injustice, wounds become open and bleeding once again and fear bubbles up making silent threats against them.

I had the privilege of hearing a few of my black brothers and sisters at church share their hearts but as I write this, I’m uncomfortably aware that I don’t know one iota of how they really feel and I could just be rambling nonsense, writing something that I think sounds good but doesn’t really communicate the depths of anyone’s experience. I really don’t want to do that! But I must try. I must connect with the pain and the needs of my black brothers and sisters.

You see I’m a foreigner there. I’m a Canadian in an American church and a very culturally diverse church at that; and I’m white and Christ is expanding my worldview and stretching my heart to be one with those whom at first thought, I don’t feel like I have much in common with; but actually do. The truth is, Christ is the One and only commonality that is needed. All Christ followers are called to be unified; to be one, across national boundaries and ethnic boundaries. We are called to rejoice with all of our brothers and sisters who rejoice and to mourn with all those who mourn. So I cry out, “Lord, show me their hearts! Help me to identify with their pain! Make us one, just as you are One”

I am also painfully aware that I am representative of those who have perpetrated injustice towards the black community, either intentionally or un-intentionally. For the record, I would just like to say that I reject and condemn every kind of racism. May it never be found in my heart! However, it is with great sadness that I confess that it has been and still is in my family. All I have to do is spend an hour with my seventy year old uncle to know it. At this I am deeply grieved and I am truly sorry. It is in-excusable and intolerable. On behalf of my family, I am sorry.

Right now, I can only control myself and with the help of my husband lead our children to live and speak in a way that is honoring to everyone, regardless of their race or skin color. I think we have accomplished that, but if I have ever said or done anything that has communicated discrimination to anyone, I am truly sorry. And can I just stand in the gap as a representative of the white population and just say I’m sorry; I’m sorry that you’ve been marginalized by us and by society. You dear one, have been fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator God and you are “Beloved”; worthy of love and completely loved by Him. I am sorry that we have not re-presented the Father well in this and have not loved you well.

How can I do this better? People of God, how can we do this better together? How can we love each other well, without blaming, pointing fingers and without anger? I believe we can do better by following Jesus, closer. We must be so close to our Savior that we are found in Him; not around Him, or behind Him but in Him. We must have our habitation in Him. We must abide in Him continually as it’s in Him, where we find healing for our hearts as well as everything we need for life and Godliness. Only in Him we find the humility that we need to admit our weaknesses, to love well and to walk in His grace. We simply cannot do it without Him. We are too broken. We need Him to overcome on our behalf and we need His peace.

I pray that in the midst of the chaos, that we as Christ followers can love each other well first and then as a united front, GO into our cities and into the world and be like Jesus, giving of ourselves and radically loving others even in the face of hatred and injustice. This is the true test isn’t it? If we claim to be followers of Jesus, our lives should look like it. The things we do and say should communicate love to those who love us back but more importantly, those who don’t; even those who would consider us enemies.

It’s time to be intentional and spontaneous; seeking the direction of the Holy Spirit. It’s time to be relentless at seeking the Holy Spirit to lead us and show us opportunities to be light in our communities. Jesus said, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matt.5:16). So let’s be light together. Let’s join all of our lights together and become that city on a hill that cannot be hidden. Let’s shine bright and watch the darkness flee.